Fear the Sting

Trust me… Do NOT watch these movies!

Steffi Roche

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Everyone loves a good movie, whether it is a scary film, comedy, action-thriller, romance, or even a musical. As a common movie-goer myself, I have sat through some of the most incredible films during 2017: La La Land, Spider-Man: Homecoming, Wonder Woman, and others. But no matter how many award-winning movies there are, some movies just don’t quite make the cut. In fact, dare I say, they are train-wrecks. Some of these movies were so atrocious that it was comical. To reflect upon the year, I have compiled a list of the worst films of 2017. Enjoy! Well, at least try to.

The Mummy:

Like most movie remakes, they are not gems and shine far less than the original. The Mummy series, starring Brendan Fraser, an action/horror/thriller film was a blockbuster smash. Sure enough, Hollywood ran out of ideas and decided to remake The Mummy starring Tom Cruise, whose career can’t sink any lower after this film. The film had too many flashbacks and flashforwards. It started in the 12th century, then jumped to modern day London, then flashed back to ancient Egypt, then jumped forward to modern day Iraq. There was also a character, played by Russell Crowe, named Dr. Jekyll, who later transforms into the evil Mr. Hyde. If the movie simply alluded to Stevenson’s classic novel, Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, it would have been cute, however, literally incorporating the story into The Mummy was lame. Not only was the plot of this movie confusing to follow, but it received an embarrassing 16% from Rotten Tomatoes. If you want to watch a thrilling movie about mummies, watch the Brendan Fraser movie from 1999 or the original 1932 film starring Boris Karloff.

xXx: Return of Xander Cage:

This is not the XXX you are thinking of! xXx: Return of Xander Cage was so horrible I fell asleep for 30 minutes when I saw this movie in the theatre. When I awoke, all I remember about the plot was unnecessary explosion scenes, gunfights, and uncomfortable romance scenes. The script was thrown together, almost as if the scriptwriters were looking for an excuse to make a film. Ultimately, this was one of the worst movies I’ve ever slept through. This film was just another horrible action movie that the world did not need.

The Emoji Movie:

It is official. Hollywood has run out of ideas. Hollywood has hit an all time low with The Emoji Movie. The movie was an attempt at a coming-of-age film, however, the main characters were emojis. The protagonist, Gene, is from a city called Textopolis (is that corny, or what?). The emojis literally journey through popular phone apps, including Spotify, Instagram, Twitter, Candy Crush, and others. Not only was the idea behind this movie a complete disaster, but it received disastrous reviews from critics. Movie review website, Roger Ebert gave this movie 0.5/4 stars and Rotten Tomatoes gave the film a 9%. This movie literally made me want to gouge my eyeballs out. I highly recommend not watching this cinematic catastrophe.

47 Meters Down:

If you want to see a blood-curdling, thrilling, terrifying, horror film, stick to Texas Chainsaw Massacre. If you want to see a blood-curdling, thrilling, terrifying shark film, stick to JAWS. However, if you want to see a horrible wannabe-horror movie that you will think is a comedy, then 47 Meters Down is the film for you! The movie is about two twenty-something year old sisters who take a trip to Mexico, and somehow find a way to complain about everything. One of the girls was just dumped by her boyfriend for not being “exciting.” To prove that she is exciting, the girls go on a scuba diving trip in a sketchy/unsafe cage. Predictably, the cage falls 47 meters down (hence the name) and one of the girls gets eaten by a shark and the other one either whines about her boyfriend or goes insane. The cinematography in this film was unbelievably disappointing. To represent someone being eaten by a shark, there would just be flashes of red across the screen and the audience would hear a wimpy “Oh, no! A shark! Help! Aaah!” Overall, this was one of the worst movies I sat through this entire year, however, it was so awful that it was actually hilarious.

 

 

 

 

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